Why Me?

by Lara Wilson

"I'm the only human one around here. Why does this shit always happen to me?"

Kon snickered at his best friend's complaints and watched him fumble with the bra he'd stolen at superspeed from Cassie's room.

"I don't think this fits," Tim grumbled, glowering down at the breasts that had appeared from nowhere.

"You gotta jiggle them into the cups."

Tim paled. "I'm not jiggling anything."

Kon strode towards him/her/whatever, hands out. "I'll help."

Scuttling backwards, Tim shook his head desperately. "Getting felt up by my best friend is nowhere on my list of things to do today or ever." Spinning around, he jiggled the breasts until they fit right in the cups.

"Hey, you've got a pretty cute ass, too," Kon said, non-helpfully. "I think Cassie's panties are too small, though." He whistled.

Tim spun back around, face going from pale to red in a split second. "I hate you."

Grinning, Kon tossed Robin his own t-shirt and pair of jeans.

"I want my uniform."

"Not going to fit, man, and saggy tights are so not in. Plus, you don't really need that cup anymore."

Tim's eyes followed Kon's down his body to the front of the semi-sheer white, lacy panties, and he flushed even deeper. The panties really were too small, and was it natural to have so much...hair down there? "Stop looking at me."

"Who knew you'd make such a pretty chick."

Kon was still ogling him and Tim balled up the t-shirt and flung it in his face, making him laugh.

"We've got to find a way to reverse this before..."

"What? You get your period?" Superboy interrupted with a snicker that stopped the instant Tim's Bat comm went off.

"No," the former boy wonder said sourly, "that." Picking up the communicator, he switched it on.

"Robin, why do your vital signs show increased estrogen levels?" Batman barked.

Tim winced and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm...a girl."

"Obviously, and how did that happen?" continued the barking.

"Shit, Batman really does know everything."

"Shut up, Kon," Tim hissed.

"Go to alert condition delta beta, conceal your identity, and wait for pick-up, Batman out."

Tim stared down at the communicator and groaned. "I am so dead."

"What's alert condition delta beta?"

"I thought it was a joke when I read about it. It had to be a joke. Men just don't turn into women." Ignoring Kon's pointed look, Tim continued to mutter, "This has happened before. Why? Are Robins or Bats targets? Does it happen to the Arrows or the Supers or the Speedsters or the Wonders or the..."

"Dude, breathe! You're turning blue."

Gasping for air, Tim turned desperate eyes on his best friend. "I need a dress. Think you can steal one from Cassie?"

Kon gazed critically at Tim's small form. "Too big." His eyes lit up. "We could go shopping. I can pretend I'm your gay best friend and go into the dressing rooms with you."

"I'm so dead," Tim reiterated.

End

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